5 Reasons why the N.B.A. SUCKS.......

 

I used to love NBA basketball... or at least the idea of it. Not anymore....in fact...honestly plenty of times it bores me to tears.

What happened to the game I loved?

Congratulations Barry Bonds

 I know it's not the popular opinion, but I'm happy for Barry Bonds.

Yeah, I know he used steroids, I understand that he cheated, I've heard that he's a jerk to fans, and the press, and is known as a selfish teammate.

But he's still a human being....playing the hardest sport in the world.

And now he holds the most respected record in the game's history.

Which means in my book....the guy deserves some credit.

My personal experience with Barry Bonds was in game 2 of the 2002 World Series. My future wife and I were in the Right Field pavilion, maybe 3/4 the way up to the top. Troy Percival was pitching in the ninth, the Angels had a comfortable lead with two outs. So Percival and his 99 mile per hour fast ball decides to pitch to Bonds.

I'll never forget it....right before the first pitch a Giants fan in front of me put on his baseball glove....it was the first time all night he did that.

My wife laughed.

She asked me if it was possible that someone could actually hit it up there.

I said, "No way".

Several pitches later I was eating my words.

Bonds launched the longest shot I had ever seen hit, a shot that Tim Salmon, who played in Angels stadium for 14 years, said was the longest home run he ever witnessed in that park.

I had a direct line to it too....saw it from the time it hit the bat to when it dropped a couple of rows in front of me and bounced over my row.

Amazing.

After the game I walked down toward the front gate, and I looked back to observe the distance the ball had traveled from home plate to the Right field pavilion where I was sitting a short time before.

Amazing.

All I could think was...... that a human being had accomplished that.

A human being had accomplished that.

Too Much Depth?

 

Usually I believe that a team never can have too much depth.

But the Angels have too much depth.

Seriously....too much.

The following is a list of players that the Angels have....on their bench, that could start on most, if not all teams in the major leagues....today.

Erick Aybar.

Maicer Izturis.

Shea Hillenbrand.

Robb Quinlan.

Nathan Haynes

Jose Molina.

In the minors the Angels have the following players who could start on many teams.

Kendry Morales.

Joe Saunders.

Jeff Mathis.

Brandon Wood.

Curtis Pride.

Tommy Murphy.

Keep in mind this is WITHOUT touching the starting line-ups and current pitching staff.

That's a lot of depth....lots of material to work with to get one more power bat....possibly the last piece in a championship puzzle.

Can ya do it Bill Stoneman??? Or better yet..... will ya do it????

MAHALO : Human powered search Engine

So.....I'm a guide at Mahalo.

I've been dying to say that for MONTHS.

I can't tell you how many people have asked me what my new job is, and I've had to bite my tongue.

Seriously....friends....family members...my neighbors...it was ridiculously hard to keep a secret.

A couple friends joked that I was working for the C.I.A., or on a reality television show or something.

I'm sure some friends even thought I was a spammer.

Actually, I'm the opposite.

Today is our launch day in the Alpha phase.

We debuted at the Wall Street Journal's D5 conference.

I've been working for the company since February.

My good friend Lon was able to introduce me to the company, and I've been working hard, and having a blast ever since.

I've never been around such a fun, interesting, hard working, and positive group of people in my life.

What exactly is Mahalo?

"Mahalo is the world's first human-powered search engine powered by an enthusiastic and energetic group of Guides. Our Guides spend their days searching, filtering out spam, and hand-crafting the best search results possible. If they haven't yet built a search result, you can request that search result. You can also suggest links for any of our search results."

What are the advantages of a hand crafted search result?

Well for one, hand crafting allows us to prioritize results.

Believe it or not, lots of times when one looks up a person on Google or Yahoo! their Official Site is not even on the first page.

That's because computers are only able to recognize the most popular results...and unfortunately sometimes those results are irrelevant to one's search or worse spam sites.

We are also able to categorize results.

If one takes a look at one of our search pages, one can see that we are able to break up our results into categories, like photos, videos, merchandise and news.

It's like having a personal secretary find the best sites for you....in two seconds.

Obviously the biggest advantage of hand crafting results are that we are able to filter out spam.

We try our best not to link to irrelevant, and fraudulent pages.

The internet is filled with pages designed to generate income at one's expense in time and unfortunately money.

We spend hours a day searching through those sites so one never has to deal with them.

Obviously there is going to be some criticism of the site.

The biggest critique being that we don't have every search result.

We're working on that.

Or initial goal is to hand craft the top 10,000 search results.

Also when we don't have something....we give you the top results from our friends at Google, so that one has at least something to work with.

The company is committed to service and excellence. Every day the focus is geared toward making the site user friendly, and productive.

This isn't some flash in the pan operation.

We have the backing of Roelf Botha, Mark Cuban, News Corporation and CBS.

My boss and the CEO is Jason Calacanis, who founded the successful Weblogs inc.

He's one of the most engaging, smartest and most driven people I've ever met.

He's also incredibly generous, and rewards all the employees here at MAHALO with incredible perks, benefits, and incentives.

The editorial director is C.K. Sample who worked as the director of Netscape.com.

He's also incredibly driven. He's also smart, funny, and really dedicated to the project.

It's hard not to work your ass off for these guys, they are both such great inspirations.

In a lot of ways, it's a dream job, and my family and I are incredibly grateful for this wonderful opportunity.

So hopefully this is the beginning of something special.

Please come by and lend your support.

Also.....Tell everyone you know.

-MAHALO

www.mahalo.com

Guide: Ray Manukay

Putting the Biscuit in the Basket

 I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is nothing more fun than watching playoff hockey...especially when your team is still in it.

The excellent play is really standing out this year in comparison with the snooze-fest called the NBA playoffs.

It's just too bad that I watched the game on something called the VS. channel, and not in high definition.

I'm a casual fan but this year's NHL playoffs have been fantastic.

I thought it would be Buffalo and the Ducks in the finals, but the Senators proved me wrong.

It's looking really good for the Ducks this year...tonight was another hard nosed, exciting come from behind win for a big, physical Ducks team.

I get the sense that this team is just too big for the Senators, it's just a matter of time before they grind them down.

I jokingly predicted to a bunch of friends that the Ducks would win in five, that the Senators peaked too early....but that's waaaaayyy too optomistic.

Ray Emery is sick...Ottawa is tough.

I wouldn't be surprised if this thing went Seven.

Go Ducks Go!!!

Kobe wants out of L.A.?????

 

Wow....will wonders never cease?

It's being reported that apparently Kobe Bryant is giving the Lakers an ultimatum.

Either bring back Jerry West as President of the Lakers....or trade him.

Seriously????

Hey, I'm all for bringing Jerry West back to the Lakers. I'm not exactly sure what went down in the first place to force him to retire, I remember hearing whispers that he felt the franchise was ungrateful for his services, or that he clashed with Phil Jackson. Silly stuff like that.

But I don't think this is the way to bring him back.

To me this whole scenario is just mind boggling.

What is Kobe thinking?

Did he seriously think that championships would just fall into his lap after they traded away Shaq?

Seriously....is he that naive?

Franchises don't recover over-night after trading away one of the best players who ever played the game....for practically nothing.

See Boston Red Sox Kobe.

It takes decades.

I thought this is what he wanted?

I thought he wanted to be the man....and score 80 points a night.

Did he really...sincerely care about winning?

Players that care about winning don't force their team to trade away the most dominant interior presence to ever play the game.

But now it seems Kobe after a few seasons..... is feeling restless.

I just can't help but scratch my head in wonder.

I'm interested to see how so-called Lakers fans, (who are really just Kobe fans) will react to this.

To me no player is bigger than the franchise. I'm a Laker fan no matter who leads the team.

I was a fan when Magic and Kareem were playing, and I was a fan when Anthony Peeler and Cedric Ceballos were the leading scorers.

I follow whoever puts on the purple and gold.

If any other player made this demand they would be booed out of Los Angeles.

It's an honor to play for the Lakers....this is the city where Jack sits at courtside every night and where the Laker Girls and celebrities meet.

Lakers are treated like gods here.

I remember being in the Nike store when Devean George came in. One would've thought that Michael Jordan was in our midst. People surrounded him asking for autographs, giving him high fives, shaking his hand...taking pictures with him.

Seriously....Devean George....a bench player at the time.

This is the team with Nine Championships in Los Angeles...this isn't an expansion team that's looking to cut some cap space.

Who in the hell is Kobe to demand a trade from the Lakers???

The Lakers led him to three straight championships.

If Kobe seriously cared about winning he would've signed with the Clippers when he had the chance. As a basketball fan, I could have understood that decision.

The Lakers just traded away Shaq....they are left with mediocre talent.

The Clippers had Elton Brand, Corey Maggette, a nice young nucleus, they still play in the Staples center....he wouldn't have to move....the money was comparable.

It would've been the smart move.

But Kobe chose the Lakers....I assume so he could run things....and be the undisputed man.

I guess he doesn't enjoy running things with a .500 team.

But...isn't this what he wanted???

I thought he wanted to be the next Dominque Wilkins.

A human highlight, scoring machine....with no more championships.

I just don't get it.

Did it hurt him to see Shaq celebrate a championship without him....or maybe he finally realizes that his talent alone can't win championships.

Lots of things have to fall into place.

Truth is....even if Jerry West came back, that wouldn't ensure a Championship.

It takes a special kind of player to win with Kobe.....besides Shaq I don't think that player exists.

That's why free agents don't want to play here.

Like it or not I think Kobe is going to have to get used to being on a .500 team.

Whether it's with the Lakers or any other team.

King James , the Unselfish

 There's a little mini-controversy brewing concerning LeBron passing up the final shot of tonight's first game in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Poor Guy.

Classic case of damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Cleveland was on the road, smart money is to go for the win there.

If he takes the shot, and misses no doubt people would be talking about how open Donyell Marshall was, and how LeBron was being selfish, by forcing a shot.

When it's all said and done I think LeBron made the right move.

Donyell had the open three....might as well go for the win there.

On the other hand, watching the slow motion replay it did look like he had a clear shot at the basket.

But the truth is, life doesn't move at slow motion.

Would Kobe, or Carmelo, maybe D-Wade take that same shot given the opportunity?

No Doubt.

But that's just not LeBron's style.

I've said it before, I think LeBron is the Ultimate team player.

He's like a humble and shy Scottie Pippen. He's Magic with Jordan's Hops.

Team him up with a superstar scorer, and we're talking dynasty.

People keep waiting, and wanting him to be selfish....to go out and score 80 points, but I don't think it's in him.....it's not part of his DNA.

He rather make the assist for the win, then be the hero.

To tell the truth, it's incredibly refreshing.

Especially in this day and age.

I just hope that one play doesn't affect his play for the rest of the series.

Because technically, the Cavs were in it till the end....and LeBron only scored 10 points the entire game, which I guarantee won't happen again....an unsettling thought for Pistons fans.

Spurs win....but N.B.A. loses

 

The San Antonio Spurs just finished off the Phoenix Suns.

And I mourn for the N.B.A.

I'm not saying that the San Antonio Spurs didn't deserve to win the series.

But the truth is, the series was tainted by the inexcusable suspensions of Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudemire by the N.B.A.

Justice was not served with their suspensions.

To tell the truth, I'm not a fan of the Phoenix Suns...actually far from it.

The Suns knocked out my beloved Lakers two years in a row, and also knocked out my second favorite team the Clippers in the Western Conference Semi-finals last year.

In all honesty I'm not even sure the Suns had enough to beat the Spurs in the series.

But I do know when something is rotten in Denmark.

As a basketball fan I feel cheated, and betrayed.

I didn't see a series played on an even field.

With one swift move the N.B.A. stepped in, and with technicalities and the letter of the law ruined a N.B.A. season.

Destroyed it.

I can't imagine what Phoenix Suns fans are feeling right now.

I don't even think San Antonio Spurs fans are feeling good about the way the team has advanced to the Western Conference finals.

Just saw an interview with Tim Duncan....even he doesn't feel great about it.

It's a hollow victory.

That's the truth of it.

I was hoping that Phoenix could push the series to seven games, to take some of the sting of injustice off.

But the burden was just too much.

Now we fans are left with a shallow, and empty, and frankly worthless playoff experience.

Congratulations David Stern you managed to alienate many fans, lose countless others, and put a black eye on a semi-enjoyable season.

And his excuse that the Suns brought this upon themselves, is just shameful, and embarrassing.

I'm just grateful that my Son is not old enough to understand basketball, so I wouldn't have to explain the situation to him.

Imagine if he was a Suns fan, and I tried to explain what happened.

Heartbreaking.

Unfortunately, I'm sure that scenario is playing out in many homes in Phoenix, as I write this.

Dear Mr. Stern......

Please keep your mouth shut, quit sticking your nose in places it doesn't need to be, and please fade away into the background so we aren't reminded of one of the N.B.A.'s biggest blunders in the history of the game.

Embarrassing.

Thank God I still have Angels Baseball.

Sunday Night Blues

 For the last couple of months, Sunday had been my favorite day of the week.

That was until this past Sunday.

On this last Sunday, three of my favorite shows went off the air.

Two of them for over a year.

One of them.....forever.

Here's a recounting of my heartbreak.



Battlestar Galactica



Man, what a killer cliffhanger.

About a month ago I was helping Mark Verheiden at Laser Blazer, and I playfully remarked how I thought the mid-season cliffhanger was a cold-blooded teaser.

He looked me square in the eye and said with a sly grin,

"Wait till you see this season's cliffhanger."

Man...He wasn't kidding.

Painful.

I can't believe that I have to wait till next April to see how all this plays out.

What's also interesting, is that we now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And to be honest.... it looks fantastic.

It's going to be Epic stuff.

I can't wait.





The L-Word




It was nice to see the show change gears from it's downer of a season last year.

I thought that this season had the usual great laughs and thought-provoking drama.

I like the addition of Cybil Shepard. She brings a great new dimension to the show.

I liked seeing the dark side of Jenny come out.

I thought Daniela Sea's character, Max, really stood out in providing the best drama of the show.

I'm not sure about the Papi character yet, or Marlee Matlin's character either.

It's fascinating seeing Kristanna Loken on the show so soon after she came out in real life. It really adds a nice dimension of authenticity to the show.

I still think a lot of the comedy that Erin Daniels brought to the show is sorely missed.

I also missed Lauren Lee Smith and Sarah Shahi.

Probably my least favorite season of the show....but still better than 95% of the stuff that's out there today.


And now the biggest heartbreak of all......


ROME




I'm devastated.

My favorite show has ended.

I feel like Julius Caesar at the end of last season.

What the hell am I going to do now?

On one hand I felt the show ended perfectly on it's own terms.

But on the other I still can't help wishing that there was more.

I need more Lucius and Pullo banter.

I want to see Atia and Mark Anthony squabble and flirt.

I liked the shocking hedonism, and historical drama.

This show was the best.

I can't believe HBO wouldn't pick it up for additional seasons.

They throw on Dane Cook's Tourgasm and Lucky Louie and can't give Rome a third season?

I know it's an expensive show but why not film the thing on the Universal backlot, and focus on the character drama, instead of the spectacle.

In any case, it was a great show. I'm glad I was able to be there for the whole journey.

So now Sunday is a bummer.

Unless...... The Soprano's and The Tudor's can come through for me.

Dexter

 Ever cheer for a serial killer?

I guess that's a pretty odd question. But make no mistake viewers will find themselves doing so.

Airing on the Showtime network is the excellent television show Dexter, which features a serial killer as the protagonist of the show.

In all fairness he's more of a vigilante than a serial killer, but I guess that's all relative.

I really am surprised that I like this show. It's not really stuff that I usually respond to. I'm not a horror fan, and certainly not a fan of the serial killer genre, but this show has me hooked.

I think that it's really innovative stuff. Maybe even the best show on television.

The series revolves around Dexter Morgan, excellently played by Michael C. Hall. Dexter Morgan is a police forensics expert specializing in blood analysis of murder scenes in the Miami police department. He has a sister who is an ambitious police detective, and he was raised by an adopted father who was a police chief, but has since passed away.

What we learn through the course of the show is that a childhood event has traumatized Dexter to the point where he now has a lust for blood that can only be satisfied by killing people.

In flashbacks, we see his adopted father recognizing his son's mental illness, and rather than committing him to mental hospital, he teaches his son, using the many years of his own police training, to act out against murders and serial killers. To satisfy his son's blood lust.

In effect doing some good, by committing murder.

He's basically like The Punisher. But his tools of choice are a drug filled syringe to disable his victims, and a drill and hand saw to finish the job.

What's great about the show is that Dexter is a extraordinarily flawed character. He's a misfit with very little social skills. The character is obviously insane, but he's learned to create a charming mask that society seems to accept as normal. Even though he's far from it.

The show doesn't back away from the fact that this man is a monster in his own right. But we still find ourselves cheering for him.

Perhaps it's because we recognize his struggle to fit in, his awkwardness in certain situations, or that we simply admire his brand of justice against individuals who deserve to die at the hands of a sadistic killer.

Whatever the case, it's fascinating television.

The major storyline right now is Dexter's relationship with a fellow serial killer known as the Ice Truck killer.

The Ice Truck killer chops up the body parts of his victims, usually prostitutes , drains their blood completely, freezes the parts, then displays them in unique fashion in a public place for all to see.

Taunting the police.

Nice.

Dexter finds himself simultaneously admiring, and being repulsed by the man's work.

Things get complicated when the killer reciprocates his affection by showing his admiration for Dexter's own killing work.

Dexter is torn between feeling a kinship with the killer as a fellow artist, and bringing the man to justice.

Things are even more complicated when we learn that there is some kind of connection between the two of them that only the Ice Truck killer knows....and will reveal in his own time.

Besides the excellent work of Michael C. Hall. The show features an excellent ensemble of actors including Julie Benz as Dexter's previously abused, and slightly disturbed girlfriend. Jennifer Carpenter as Dexter's oblivious and ambitious sister, James Remar as Dexter's complicated, deceased adopted father, and the creepy Christian Camargo as the Ice Truck killer.

It's definitely one of the best shows on television right now, and it might even signify the end of HBO's dominance of subscription television. Combined with Weeds and the L-Word, Showtime may now have bragging rights as the best network on television. Especially after the incredible disappointment of the 3rd season of Deadwood, and HBO's original programming misfires of Lucky Louie, and Dane Cook's Tourgasm.

Make sure to check out the series on Sunday nights at 10.

The season finale airs this Sunday.

I can't wait.

A son of many talents!

 American Idol watch out.

My wife took some pictures of our little cub the other day, and I was scanning through them on the computer, catching up with his exploits that I miss while I am at work, and to my surprise, I noticed that she captured him displaying some unusual supernatural abilities.....especially for his age.

He's only 7 months, but he's obviously a musical genius.

If one needs proof.......take a look at these pictures.



Yeah, that's right he sings......but unfortunately when I'm not around.

I coyly pressed my wife for some details, but she refused to report any unusual abilities. Perhaps she's afraid that his talents may draw the attention of Julliard who may force her to enroll him in a preschool program to hone his obvious vocal talents so that he may share them with the world.

When I told her it was okay....that I wouldn't share the secret with anyone. She merely looked at me like I was insane....which unfortunately is a look she gives me a lot.

Just when I was ready to give in, and admit that..... maybe..... she may have just caught a moment of unusual coincidence.... I saw this next picture.



Check out that finger placement.

I saw Anchorman.

We all did.

It's obvious what he's doing here.

He's obviously playing the jazz flute.

I'm now in the process of examining ALL his pictures, which is considerable,.....to maybe catch other remarkable moments that my wife is afraid to share with me.

Imagine....here I was thinking that I was just missing diaper changes, and mid-day naps while I'm at work.

When it's obvious there's a prodigy in my midst.

I Pod Madness

I've been busy the last couple of days adding music to my family's new I pod.

I find it to be a strange.... almost...... addictive task.

I've never owned an mp3 player. To be honest I don't really listen to that much music. I don't listen to it often in the car because I'm usually listening to sports radio. The only time I do listen to music stations is because I get bored during comercial breaks, and I start skimming through the fm stations.

It's not that I don't like music....I do. But I hardly ever listen to it. Most of the time when I hear a song I like it's usually because I'm watching a movie or t.v. show and they are using a song during the scene.

On the rare occasion I have music playing, say at home, I have it in the background on my computer as I surf the web. But I rarely do that because it interferes with the video content I'm usually checking out.

But for the last couple of days I've been cramming all kinds of content onto this damn I pod thing.

For what I don't know.

Unlike the commercials on t.v., I don't stroll down the street bouncing to the latest jams. My job requires customer service, so I can't wear it at work, and as far as wearing it at home my wife hates it, because I can't hear her calling me when she needs my help with the little cub.

So it's practically unneccessary.

But it's a freaking fasciniating gadget.

First off the thing can hold a ton of stuff.

7,500 songs.

Seriously.

Don't ask me what I would need 7,500 songs for, but I'm trying my hardest to find out.

I'm going to try and fill it up......just to see if I can.

I've downloaded stuff onto it that I haven't listened to in years.

Like old Run Dmc and Boogie Down Productions songs.

Seriously.

I assume for the day when I get that strange urge to indulge in classic old...... I'm talking OLD school rap.

I've started the strange habit of asking everyone I know about their cd collection, so that I might borrow a cd which interests me so that I can add it to my I pod.

I've even raided my wife's musical theatre cd's. In case someone in the family gets the urge to listen to some Sondheim on the I Pod.

Yeah...seriously.

I've got about maybe 1, 800 songs on there right now.

Insane....in the palm of my hand.

If that's not enough, this particular I pod is able to play video content.

That's pretty crazy.

I remember how when I was a kid, I dreamed that someone would come up with an invention which would allow me to watch tv in the car.

To save me from the boredom of long road trips, and those boring quick drives with my mom as she ran errands.

Now it's possible to play video in the palm of my hand......as I wait in line at the grocery store.

Not because I'm bored.....but simply because I can.

Crazy.

I even downloaded a couple of movies from the I tunes store just to check out the video functions on the gadget.

So now I have Pirates of the Caribbean and Tombstone on this thing......even though I can't imagine sitting in one place watching a whole 3 hour movie on this thing.

Then my co-worker informed me that I can actually rip content from dvd's, and add it to the I pod.

So now I have the First season of Da Ali G show, and 6 episodes of the U.S. version of the Office on this thing.

In case I need a quick laugh....I guess.

The frustrating thing is the gadget isn't even halfway full yet.

I've been adding stuff for several days now, and I haven't even put a dent into the thing's memory. It's almost becoming a burden trying to fill the thing up.

What's ironic is that I'm finding it difficult to actually find time to use the thing.

The device has tons of content, and I'm working my ass off trying to fill it up, and all it does is sit on top of my computer.

Classic.

I don't know what to do with it.

I'm trying to find occasion to use it, but it's rarely come up. A couple of days ago I offered to drive my wife to the store....which shocked her.....until she realized that my intention was just to sit in the car, and watch my I pod as she shopped.

The other day I caught myself laying on my couch........in front of my 46 inch big screen......watching an episode of the Ali G show...... on my tiny I Pod.

Don't ask me why.

I'm obviously insane.

It's bizarre......such an amazing device.......and I can't find an occasion, or excuse to use it.

I just wish I had the thing when I was younger.

I would've worn the thing out.

I would have used it during those bus trips to the beach. On those long walks to the comic book store. In line for the latest blockbuster film. Waiting for my mom to pick me up from school.

Maybe that's why I've worked so hard to add content to this thing, because of those horrible memories of boredom, and frustration when I had nothing to entertain me.

I'm sure it'll eventually come in handy one of these days.

One day I'll be so happy to own this device, and I'll be relieved and grateful that I was able to put plenty of content on the thing to entertain me for hours.

But for now it sits.....sits and waits.

Please no small talk............please.....ever......

I hate small talk.

I don't see the point for it. To me it's just a waste of energy.

I know there's plenty of people out there who think that it's rude not to practice it.

I know because..... when I don't indulge in it. Those people look at me angry.

I'm sorry..... but I don't like to talk about the weather, or how I'm feeling a particular day, or where I purchased a particular shirt..... because frankly I know that people could care less.

The reality is that people use small talk to hide their insecurities.

That's one of the ways I know I'm going to get along with a new acquaintance. If they are able to be in my presence.....in silence.

I know that may not sound like much. But I'm the type of person that can go awhile without talking.

I can go hours. Seriously a whole afternoon. For me the longer..... the better.

I like being quiet in my thoughts. I like thinking about my family, or a certain movie, or what the Angels chances are for the game that night, or what I'm going to write about on my next blog post.

I don't feel the need to vocally express all my thoughts, or to engage people in talk to feel alive. Sometimes, I just don't want to share what's going on in my head, and I don't want to know what's going on in other people's head.

That's one of the best things about being around my close friends, they know that I'm not being rude when I'm quiet.

I just have nothing to say at the time.

When I eventually speak, it's because I truly have a question or a remark to make.

Like it should be.

I think my disdain for small talk is because I've been around it for so long.

I was a bank teller for 7 years.

That's all customers do at the bank.....have small talk.

I used to laugh to myself when I'd see customers get flustered in my presence while I worked in silence.....counting their money.

They'd smile....try to make eye contact....talk about the lines in the bank, about the silly weather. Some stupid piece of news or trivia they heard on the radio.

And I'd just keep counting, and staring at my computer screen.

A couple of times they complained to my manager, and say I was not friendly enough during the transaction.

But my manager knew better.

Just an insecure customer who needed small talk.

To put things in perspective, one day I was working and a customer came up to my window and I took her deposit slip and asked how she was doing that day?

Big mistake.

She proceeded to tell me that one of her relatives were killed in a murder suicide, and her brother was just diagnosed with cancer.

No joke.

She was serious. She obviously needed to talk, and I was the focus of her venting.

Of course my immediate reaction to the situation after she left my window was...."Wow, that was inappropriate."

But was it really?

I mean, I did ask her how she was doing that day....I opened that door, and she probably felt she could just come right into my world and take a dump....in my living space.

In retrospect, I sort of admire her for her boldness.

I mean that really wasn't small talk. Not even close.

I work in a video store now, so I get my fair share of small talk.

People ask me all the time about a certain movie.....about a certain actor. What the big sellers are or new releases are coming up.

Sometimes I'll indulge them if it's interesting.

But the reality is 95% of the time it's not.

So I've sort of mastered a way to get around the small talk.

I mumble.

Mumbling is good, because it puts all the pressure on them to try and understand what I just said.

Most of the time during small talk, people don't really care, they'll smile and pretend they understood you, and walk away.

Which is exactly what I want.

But sometimes I'll get that person that just won't give up. Who really tries to get under my skin by forcing they're insecurities on me. So then I'll resort to plan B where I'll start to say something clearly then I'll trail off in an incoherent mumble jumble.

Something like...."Yeah, I saw that...I don't know if..(cough)....I guess..(chuckle)....yea....(deep breath)....you might...(look around distracted)....maybe...(sigh)....at least...I was hoping..(chuckle or sigh) ..mumble...mumble...etc...etc..."

Seriously answer any small talk question with that response, and the conversation ends.

Usually before I could even finish, the small talker will smile and look away. They are just content with the minor human contact they've made.

Lately I've noticed a new trend where people will avoid small talk entirely, by having a conversation with someone elseo on a cell phone, while interacting with me.

My favorite way to conduct a transaction.

I know some of my co-workers hate that.

But I love it.

I'm there to do a job. Get them what they want, and then get them on their way to where they have to be. If it can be done with little or no verbal interaction.

Great.

It just makes things go more efficiently.

Actually, I wish everything would work that way. Just pointing and hand gestures. It would eliminate stupid small talk.

I realllllly hate small talk in lines....like in the supermarket. The stupidest conversations ever, happen while one is in a line at the market.

People will talk about what they are buying, or how much money they are saving, some stupid bargain, or the lines....again the lines.

Like it's so hard to understand why OTHER people want what we also want at the SAME TIME.

Man, when I'm trapped in one of those conversations I just want to rip my ears off.

I just feel like turning to them, and say......please let's just stand here in silence, and leave each other alone.

My wife has a big problem with small talkers. They are drawn to her like mosquitoes to light.

She has a bright personality, she's cute, she's very friendly, and she speaks loud and clearly.

She might as well advertise for small talk.

I've been caught up in some epic small talking conversations with other people while in her company.

Unbelievably stupid, and insignificant conversations.

People just love to talk to her about the stupidest, silly, unimportant things in the world with her.

And usually after the conversation is done, she turns to me and says....How did I get caught up in that?

She hasn't learned to mumble yet...that and she's too nice. She actually listens to these people.

What's especially hilarious is when we have a small talk conversation with someone, and then we leave them, but are forced to interact with them AGAIN, when we see them in a different aisle or in the parking lot.

What usually ends up happening is silly...incoherent....insignificant.....banter.

Like...We can't stop running into each other..... or....funny seeing you again......or haven't we met before....

When in reality we wish we would never see each other again.

Classic small talk.

It's like the stuff that Ned Flanders says to Homer Simpson in their driveways....Howdy neighbor....that sort of thing.

Just chirping noise. Might as well be dogs barking at each other.

I guess people can argue that small talk can lead to significant conversations.

Why does it have to be that way?

Why can't we just blurt out what we want to say? Why do we have to work our way up to significant stuff?

To me it's just a waste of time and energy.

Frustrating.

I guess I just have to keep working on my mumbling skills.

Either that or pretend to be deaf.

Hey.....now that's an idea.