Dazed and Confused in Babies "R" Us

The baby is due March 19th, and yesterday I've received confirmation of what I feared all along.

I have no clue what the HELL I'm doing.

Erin and I registered for our upcoming Baby Shower yesterday. Half the stuff we're requesting I have no idea if we need or not.

If it was up to me, I just would've went down the aisles scanning stuff. A blind man might have done a better job than I did.

Thank God Erin was there. Erin had a good plan of going down the baby essential list that the store provided. But I have a feeling that when we end up with half the stuff we requested, a lot of it is going to end up in a big pile in the corner of the Baby's room.

Cause we won't know how to use any of it.

Even a thing like baby clothes was an ordeal. Apparently, according to the list, we needed Onesies. What the hell is a Onesies? I assume it's a one piece suit. But is it his underwear, or is it his clothes. See what I mean? I always joke with Erin that I want to dress the kid in sweats and a t-shirt till he's 12 years old. Roll the sweats up when he's small and just let the baby grow into a big pair of sweats. I don't think that's such a bad idea. Dressing a baby shouldn't be complicated. All they do is shit and piss themselves. What do they gotta look fashionable for anyways?

The first hour in the place we just looked around the store lost. There was a bunch of pads, blankets, hooded towels, humidifiers, breast pumps, waterproof, soil resistant things that looked important. We didn't know where to begin. The funny thing was that when we asked the worker's there how to use any of the stuff, they didn't really know either. We ran into other first time mother's, and they were as lost as we were. Everyone was walking around with a combined look of confusion and fear.

A look like "What the Hell did we get ourselves into?"

As far as our strategy for selecting items went, when we got to the big stuff, I usually just picked the most expensive, or best looking gadget. They had all these fancy swings and junk. It was all confusing, I do remember the Eddie Bauer brand. I picked a lot of Eddie Bauer stuff. For all we know it's crap, but hell I know the brand, I seen it in the mall, it's a camping store right? Anyways it looked sturdy and tough to me.

When we were looking at strollers we had the good fortune to run into an actual mommy. Erin smartly asked ,"What was it that we should be looking for when we pick a stroller?" She answered that we should get something light and easy to use.

Easy to use? I thought all you had to do was push the stroller. I guess nowadays it's hard to push. But apparently I'm wrong.

The mommy pointed out that we should pick one that stores easy, to put in and take out of a car. She pointed out that half the strollers in the market today are heavy, and take forever to unfold. At that exact moment, I was fidgeting with a Eddie Bauer stroller, when I realized that the huge monster stroller that I currently had in my possession was exactly what she was speaking about. To test her theory out, as she was talking to Erin, I tried to fold the stroller for storage, after about 10 minutes, I realized that I actually needed to have at least 4 years of engineering training, and a masters in physics to understand the complexities of the device.

Needless to say we went with the stroller she recommended.

Car Seats were another adventure. They had different sizes, shapes, weight regulations. When we looked for our little mommy friend she was nowhere to be found though. She disappeared into thin air, she was almost like a little stroller Angel sent by God to push us in the correct direction. But this time she was gone, there was no such luck with the Car Seats. No one to help us out.

So we went with the Eddie Bauer brand.

I guessing most of this junk is going to be unnecessary anyways. I have a friend who said that when she was a baby her parents put her to sleep in a dresser shelve.

Wow, why can't we go back to those days? I'd be willing to let the kid sleep in one of my dresser shelves. I could use the extra money to buy a new DVD player or download some songs.

Something tells me that Erin isn't going to let me do that though.

I admit I'm confused, but the truth is I'm also excited. I keep hearing from people that it's going to be difficult, a nightmare, I won't sleep anymore. That my life is never going to be the same. That kind of thing. It's actually getting a little annoying.

We know it's going to be difficult.

It's not like we're going to just give up the baby one day when it gets hard. As if, when the baby won't stop crying, I'm going to throw him out on the curb. That maybe one day I'll snap and I'm going to say:

"That's it, I give up!!! It was fun while it lasted but this parenting thing is too hard!"

I'm thinking we can't return the baby to the hospital....whether we have a receipt or not.

I'm just worried about doing a good job taking good care of the kid, and using the stuff we get right. I don't mind hard work.

I'm sure in time, I'll be an expert with all these devices, and things. I'll be like Inspector Gadget pulling crap out of my ass to make the baby stop crying. But for now I'm a novice, and I have no clue how to make this stuff work.

I just hope it will come with easy to read instructions......

Or else I'm just going to have to call this Eddie Bauer guy up myself.

Movie Trailers

 I thought for a change of pace from DVD reviews, in this post I'd share some upcoming Movie trailers, and give you my thoughts on them.

Flight 93

Now if you haven't heard about this film it's a movie based on the plane that crashed in the open field on 9/11. The movie's script will be based on the transcripts of the phone calls made to love ones before the plane crashed, also a lot of the movie will be improvisational. It's being directed by Paul Greengrass, who directed The Bourne Supremacy.

My gut feeling about this movie is that it's waaaaayyy too soon for a movie like this. I'm not exactly sure what the point is. I assume it has the blessings of the surviving family members. But I still don't think it's appropriate, it feels like a blatant attempt by the studio to cash in on the tragedy. It's sure to be powerful stuff, but I don't think there is going to be any new light shed on the incident. The idea that it's improvisational worries me also, I guess it makes sense in that we don't know exactly what happened up there. But will future generations look at the film as a historical reference to the events? It's tricky, tricky stuff. I'm just not sure this movie had to be made, when the memory of the event is still so fresh in our minds. I'm also sure the movie is going to be pushed for Awards consideration, which can be very distasteful. What if the movie is terrible? That's just going to make EVERYONE involved look bad. There's a lot of ways this whole idea could go bad and I honestly don't know how it can turn out good.

Clerks 2

I'm a fan of Kevin Smith's work. If one knows me well enough they know that I'm a sucker for toilet humor. Which I'm pretty sure this movie will have plenty of, so I'm excited. I know there's some criticism about him going back to the View Askew universe when he said that Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was going to be the last one with those characters. But the reality is that this material is what he does best, he's really just writing about what he knows. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. He's the first to admit that he's not William Shakespeare. I thought it was odd in the first place that he'd limit himself by closing the book on that universe. Would I like to see him do different work? Sure! I'd like to see him do a comic book movie or another Chasing Amy type drama. But I'm guessing that at this time, he's probably comfortable with who he is. I don't think he feels the need to stretch himself. I think he knows he has a talent for good, witty, dialogue, and he has a built in audience who appreciates him for what he does. More power to the guy.


Miami Vice

I'm looking forward to this one!!! I'm not a huge Colin Farrell or Jamie Foxx fan but I just think this movie is going to be awesome. For one it's a cool idea, if there's a t.v. show that deserves a remake it's this one. The show was cool, action packed, and funny. The fact that it's being directed by Michael Mann, one of my favorite directors, who also happens to be the creator of the original show insures that it's going to be a can't miss hit. I'm going to have to dig in my closet and bust out my white blazer and orange t-shirt for this movie.

The Fountain

This trailer looks pretty cool. It's directed by Darren Aronofsky of Requiem for a Dream fame. The movie was originally supposed to star Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. But I guess Pitt had some creative differences and he left the project which shut the film down, leaving a bunch of people without jobs. Which obviously pissed a lot of people off. Now it stars Hugh Jackman and one of my favorite leading ladies Rachel Weisz. It also has a smaller budget, but I can't tell judging from the trailer, it looks amazing.

Inside Man

I had a dream about this movie. Which probably means I really want to see it. In my dream I was trying to figure out the twist in the movie. I don't remember what I came up with in the dream, but I remember being blown away by it. The real movie is directed by Spike Lee, it has a great cast. It has Denzel Washington, Wilem Dafoe, Clive Owen, Jody Foster. I heard buzz that the script was amazing, which is probably why I dreamt about it.

Rescue Dawn

I love Werner Herzog. I think Christian Bale is doing amazing work right now. I think he's legitimately one of, if not the Best actor out there right now. He chooses his work carefully, he works with great directors and he's always good....always, even when the movie isn't. I'm hoping that Bale and Chris Nolan become the next Scorsese and Dicaprio. Watching this trailer I cringe thinking about what he's done to his body going from bone skinny to bulked up and back to bone skinny again. Gotta love the guy's commitment and respect for the art.

Superman Returns

I almost cried when I saw this trailer. Not because it was great or that I'm really looking forward to this movie. I got misty eyed because it was the first time that I REALLY realized Brando was gone. For whatever reason hearing his voice made me miss him. I think the trailer is done really well too. The classic Superman music, teaser images without giving away too much of the plot. the religious imagery is touching, but the kicker is Brando's voiceover. I know he had not done good work in a long time, but there was always that hope....that chance that he might do one last great performance.

Happy FRIGGIN New Years!!!

Note from Ray: This is a legacy post from my personal archives (pre-2024). For my latest Movie Reviews and Highlight Reels, click here.

Yeah!!!.......the passage of time.

Whatever.

I think New Year's Eve is the most over-rated holiday in the history of mankind. I've never liked the celebration. I don't get it, why choose this day to consider, and reflect on the past year. To me it's just another day. I spend every day remembering all the mistakes I made in the past week or opportunities I missed in the last month.

I don't need a special day to commemorate my fuck ups.

I remember when I was little, I was traumatized by my mom running into my room at midnight waking me from a sound sleep, and telling me to get excited cause some glass apple was dropping from a flag pole.

Seriously lame.

I can't remember a good New Year's Eve. They always are pretty stupid, lots of planning, and no pay off. At least Christmas I get presents, on July 4th I get baseball, fireworks and bbq, Thanksgiving I get Turkey, on New Year's Eve one is suppossed to get drunk......and dance.

Dance.....like there's no tommorrow.

I can....and do....get drunk at anytime. I'll get drunk to celebrate my dog barfing on the hall floor instead of the carpet. I used to dance a lot, got to clubs, and dance my ugly ass off, but that was so I could get laid. Rub up against some girl trying, usually unsuccessfully, to get them hot and bothered. I'd dance alone too, to illustrate to the ladies I didn't need their attention to have fun....even though I wasn't really having fun, just trying to look like I was having fun, so when some girl eventurally danced with me they'd THINK it was just dancing when I grabbed their ass, not just me touching their ass cause I was horny....even though I really was.

But I'm married now, I don't need to look and dance like a Backstreet Boy to pick up girls.

So now New Year's Eve is just useless, an excuse to have a lame party.

A perfect example of a typical New Year's Eve was when I was in England, (as if I'm a world traveler), a bunch of my friends and I from college were in London for a Theatre trip. All we talked about for months was how we were going to party like crazy in London on New Year's Eve. Go to Piccadilly Square, (spelled something like that, I'm too lazy to use spell check), go nuts, and drunk, kiss some hot, exotic British chick, then go to a pub with them, and get more drunk and hopefully get laid by a different hot, exotic British chick.....maybe even with both.

Yeah, right.

The night arrived, and one of us, I don't remember who, thought it would be a great Idea to check out a play we had tickets for BEFORE midnight. We didn't have anything planned, two of our friends decided that they would rather rest before the festivities.We had rented a car, so transportation wasn't an issue, the play started at 7, surely plenty of time to get back to pick our friends up before we headed up to Picadilly square, so why not?

Well the play, Blood Brothers, a british musical turned out to be pretty lame, even though our friend Louise said it would be great. We got out at around 10:30, and realized we should probably hurry back to get to our friends. We jumped in the car and promptly got stuck in horrible traffic. Actually I wouldn't really call it traffic, traffic would give one the idea that there was potential for movement.

We were not moving while the engine was on.

Eventually, my friend thought he could manuever AROUND the traffic, and decided to stray off the main road. If one knows anything about driving around London, they'll know that the streets are actually a sick maze disguised as roads. There's roundabouts, dead ends, off-ramps, and no reliable signs on the road, not to mention they drive on the wrong fucken side of the street.

Needless to say we got lost, when we tried to ask for directions, we ran into the man with the thickest Cockney accent in the world....at least I thought that was what he was speaking, it could have been Arabic for all I know. We judged from his gestures that he was telling us to go around a couple of corners and we'd be okay. But in retrospect I believe he was telling us to fuck off and we just misinterpreted. So luckily, we finally found a taxi cab, actually we almost crashed into him while we were looking for signs. My friend had the genius idea to pay the cab to drive to our hotel, while the rest of the gang followed in our car behind the cab. So I ran out of the car, and jumped into the front seat telling the cabbie to drive me to my hotel. Well, If one knows anything about Cabs in London they'll know that the cabs don't have a front passenger seat, just a flat work space. After about two minutes of trying to seem cool in the front, the cabbie "suggested" that I sit in the back seat.

The Cabbie promptly took us to the main road.....where we were once again stuck in horrible traffic. I realized this was hopeless, and paid the cabbie, jumped out of the cab, and back in the car with the rest of my friends.

Eventually.....finally, we made it to the hotel. It was 11:15. We ran out of our cars to look for our two friends, after about 10 minutes of looking we realized that they had left, angry, actually thinking we had abandoned them. At 11:30 we looked at each other, and realized it was a lost cause. There was no way we could get to Picadilly Square in time.

We decided to try something within walking distance. We had heard that there was a party in a restaurant several blocks away. We ran to the site, only to see a huge line. Our hopes were dashed. Being unusually optimistic I suggested we just run to the local pub, where we had many a night getting trashed. A few of my friends declined, giving in to the unusual bad luck. But two of my friends, and I ran full sprint to the pub, we got there with a minute to spare...only to be turned away at the door, because pub was too full.

When the countdown came, a friend decided to jump on a short wall, and peek into the pub perhaps to see what was going on inside, maybe he just wanted to see if there was any hot girls inside.

I joined him not noticing the irony of my actions.

Like always I was on the outside looking in, seeing people celebrating a silly holiday, not understanding, or experiencing the joy it seemed to bring to people.

I still don't know.